So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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