It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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