my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
