yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
