He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
