Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
