So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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