Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
