Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
