used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
