i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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