i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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