nut hugger
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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