whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
