While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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