Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
