U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
