I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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