his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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