True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
