she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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