I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
