I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
