Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
