I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
