After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
