In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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