genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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