there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
