guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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