I'm going to jail i love you
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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