So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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