...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
