; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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