yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
