New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
