I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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