Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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