Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
