i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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