Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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