I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
