it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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