Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
