I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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