i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
We need to rekindle our bromance
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
