Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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