u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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