the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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