ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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