This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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