Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
