It's Friday. Sex?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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