you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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