i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
