My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Randomize
