I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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