I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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