she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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