Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
