his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
