awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
