Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
