I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
