someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
