So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
