We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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