you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
