Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
