Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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