The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I could make wine with my vomit
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
