I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
