I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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