Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
