My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
