so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
