so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
